On the day domestic abuse rates in Scotland rose for the fifth consecutive year, one woman who suffered at the hands of an ex-partner has opened up about her ordeal.
Katy Nicoll, from Montrose, Angus, spoke out in an attempt to warn others of the signs they are in an abusive relationship, and how to escape.
It comes as police recorded 65,251 incidents of domestic abuse in 2020-21 across Scotland, an increase of 4% compared to the previous year – and the fifth year in a row it has increased.
Katy’s abuser Thomas McNeil was jailed twice for domestic-related offences, and arrested “countless times” during the relationship.
One was for the tenth offence he committed in two years.
Katy was spat at, assaulted and dragged along a road. Another time she was forced to jump out of a window to avoid an attack.
Jealous and controlling
Katy, 28, said: “The first time he was violent was about three months into the relationship. He was very jealous and controlling.
“We argued and he spat in my face. I got up and called my brother and he chased me around the house, throwing all my stuff at me.
“He threw me out of the door.”
Katy, 28, who works as a support worker for Hillcrest Futures, said McNeil’s violence was often triggered when had been drinking.
“A lot of the abuse was when he was drunk,” she said.
“He would always take my keys, phone and purse, lock the doors and manhandle me about the house.
“The worst incident was when he broke into my house through my bedroom window, I jumped out the living room window and he was seconds behind me and managed to throw me on the road and dragged me down the street by my feet.
“He then ran and went back into my flat and trashed my whole house.”
She added: “I never went back to him after that but that would have been around the tenth time he hurt me. I went back every time before because I thought I loved him.
“I thought I couldn’t live without him. He led me to believe I would be nothing without him. He didn’t like me working and would convince me to quit my jobs so I was home all the time, then he would tell me I wouldn’t be able to live without his money, his flat or him.”
‘He threatened to kill himself’
Katy added: “I was scared not to be with him as he would threaten to kill himself, he told me how he would do it and he would let everyone know it was my fault.
“He ruined my life, turned me against my family and my friends. I had no life, no job and no social life whatsoever but he carried on living his normal life.”
Katie urged people to access support from friends and family, but also to use professional services such as Women’s Aid.
“Now I look back, I would urge any other person in this kind of relationship to speak to their friends and family, warn them, tell the police everything,” she said.
Women’s Aid support helped me so much
“Find somewhere to stay that he doesn’t know and cut yourself off from him. They always find a way to find you, through social media, emails – anything that they might know your password on – so change them.
“Know who to trust – some people didn’t realise how bad he was and who I thought were my friends, were passing information on to him.
“I had a worker with Women’s Aid and she was the best thing ever. She visited me every week. She got me a spare phone so I always had one with me in case I needed to call the police.
“I highly recommend speaking with Women’s Aid. I still can’t thank my worker enough for all she did for me.”
Clare’s Law
Katy urged anyone worried about abuse to use Clare’s Law, which gives any member of the public the right to ask the police if their partner may pose a risk to them.
“Clare’s law is so important,” Katy said.
“You can look up any person who you are seeing/dating, this does a background check on them and will tell you any information on them if they have been in jail, if they have any history of violence.”
More information on Clare’s Law is available here.
Angus statistics are low, but not surprising
Discussing the statistics released today, she said: “I have heard of so much of domestic abuse here in Angus, but I think people would be scared to speak out.
“Speaking out definitely helped me and speaking to family and friends who you can trust for sure.”
Angus Women’s Aid can be accessed online or via the telephone. For more information, see the charity’s website.
To find out if someone has a history of domestic abuse, visit the Police Scotland Disclosure Scheme for Domestic Abuse.
